


In the Dark

by Tshilaba



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Panic Attacks, mentions of molestation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-22 04:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3715627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tshilaba/pseuds/Tshilaba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The things that take place in the dark of night always leave a more memorable mark than those that occur in the light of day. Perhaps, that's why the scars of abuse imprint deeper than acts of kindness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She rubbed her eyes tiredly and nearly tripped over Hannah in the dark as she stumbled to the bathroom. It wasn't until she turned the bathroom light back off that she realized what she was hearing: a soft sniffling coming from the top of the stairs. "Zoe?"

The brunette jumped as if she'd been startled. "Oh, Sasha'" she said, turning around. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

Sasha shook her head. "Nah, I had to pee."

"Oh." She turned back around and pulled her knees back up to her chest.

"Well, I'm gonna go back to bed now."

"Kay."

She'd only invited her because she'd invited all the girls in their class. But she couldn't just leave her sitting on the stairs. She walked over to where the other brunette was sitting. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it--no..."

"Mind if I join you?"

Zoe shook her head.

Sasha sat down crosslegged. "So what's up? Do you wanna talk about it?"

"...I thought I could handle it, but I can't."

"Handle what?" Sasha asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion.

"I... Promise you won't tell anyone?" She was looking up at her then, chocolate eyes staring into her intently.

"Pinkey promise!" she insisted, holding out her right pinky. Sure, it was a little childish, but it was better than just saying 'Of course'.

Zoe reached out and linked their pinkies briefly before pulling her hand back into her lap. "Because of some...things that happened when I was younger, I can't stand for people touch me. I'd gotten better--seriously, I used to have straight up panic attacks just being in a room with anyone but my mom or my doctors--so Mom thought it'd be okay if I come. But I just couldn't take it anymore..."

Sasha thought about it for a few minutes. "It bothers ya coz y'don't know if they'll touch you, right?"

Zoe nodded, staring at her feet. "I know, it's stupid..."

"No, it's not," Sasha assured her gently. "What does your mom do to make you feel safe?"

"Puts me in between her and the wall..."

"Would that help you tonight? If I let you sleep between me and the wall so they couldn't touch you?"

"You...you'd do that?"

"Mhmm. If it'll help."

"I...maybe..."

"Right." Sasha rose to her feet and held out her hand. "Let's go?"

Zoe bit her lip nervously, staring at the girl's hand.

"If it doesn't work, we'll try something else."

She nodded and took Sasha's hand, letting herself be led back to the room where Sasha dragged their sleeping bags over to the far wall and got them situated. Zoe sat down with her back against the wall and pulled her knees against her chest as the other girl laid down.

Sasha turned onto her side, facing away from the other girl. She'd positioned them in the corner in the hope that having two walls and a human barricade would help her relax enough to be able to sleep. But, she supposed, that probably heavily depended on just how much Zoe trusted  _her_. She let out a breath of relief when she heard her finally crawl into the sleeping bag.

She didn't expect to wake up to find Zoe clinging to her t-shirt in her sleep, but she smiled, because she couldn't bring herself to be bothered, especially not with the small, content smile on the other girl's face.


	2. Chapter 2

She never expected that one small act of kindness to earn her a shadow, but it did. Zoe practically attached herself to Sasha's hip after that night. But when she was told what had happened, on the third night spent at the other girl's house, she understood.

Zoe was proudly showing off her video game collection, sometimes wildly rehashing her favorite boss battles. She'd just come to Nabooru's explaining how the Gerudo had to listen to Ganondorf because "that was the rule", and it struck Sasha how particularly odd that phrasing was. The twelve year old never shied away from mature language, and normally quoted the game vernacular verbatim. But she was talking about the Gerudo law that enforced the immediate enthronement of the male Gerudo child born once every hundred years.

It was then that she noticed Zoe was shaking slightly.

"And when you go to get the Silver Gauntlets, K-Koume and Kotake come and kidnap Narbooru and brainwash her and you have to fight her as an Iron Knuckle. _Twice_."

"Zoe...are you alright?"

The other girl looked away, her bangs obscuring her face, before she dropped down to the floor. "I hate those fights," she whispered.

Sasha reached out to comfort her just has her mom stepped into the room.

"Sasha, are there any spices you're allergic to?"

"Not that I know of, Ms. Sarah," she replied.

Zoe bolted across the room, latching herself to her mother's waist.

"Zoe, wha-- Baby, what's wrong?"

"She was just telling me about Nabooru, when--"

"Oh, I see." She led her daughter to the couch and pulled her into her lap, rocking her gently. After a few minutes, she patted the couch beside her. "Sweetheart, come sit down please."

Sasha nodded and moved to sit down near the woman.

"Now, can you tell me what you noticed?"

"Well, like I said, she was just telling me about Nabooru. But when she mentioned how Nabooru had to listen Ganondorf, it was like her way of speaking changed. Then it was like she couldn't hear me anymore..."

Sarah nodded, rubbing her daughter's back gently. "You noticed something was wrong."

"Of course! She wasn't acting like herself. And that bothered me."

Zoe turned a little to look at her. "You noticed that?"

"Mhmm."

"That's very observant of you, Sasha. But let me share something with you. Zoe told me that the first time she stayed the night, you helped her calm down enough to sleep. Why didn't you question her panic?"

Sasha shrugged. "Her feelings are hers. If I need to know her reasons, I'll be told. I just felt I should help her. I didn't need to know why she was panicking. I just needed to let her know she was safe."

Sarah nodded, running her fingers lightly through her daughter's hair. "Well, Zoe?"

"I trust her," the brunette said.

The woman chuckled softly. "Alright. Sasha, there's something about Zoe that I think it's time you were told. You see, when Zoe was three, her father grew ill. After about a year, the doctors couldn't help him anymore and he passed on. There was no way I could raise Zoe on my own, especially not when she was so young. So, I started dating again and eventually found Seth. He was nice and had a reasonable job, but..."

"What happened?"

"I didn't trust him," Zoe mumbled. She'd taken to playing with a strand of her mother's hair to keep herself occupied.

"I should have listened."

"Cremia shoulda listened to Romani, too."

Sarah rolled her eyes at her daughter's statement as the girl stuck her tongue out. "But yes. It was something I probably should have investigated further. But I was more concerned with finances than whether or not Zoe trusted him."

"That's kinda understandable, though," Sasha said. "You wanted to take care of her. And for all you knew, she could have just been a stubborn 'I only have one daddy' child."

"Either way," Sarah went on. "I eventually married him, though he never adopted her."

"Thank god," Zoe muttered, under her breath but loud enough for Sasha, at least, to hear.

Her mother ignored her and continued. "Everything was alright, for the first year or so. I was able to get a job, and he'd put Zoe into bed on the nights I wasn't home. I thought it was alright. I mean, for all her resistance before the marriage, she seemed to have accepted him. She listened when he told her to do something, and barely ever talked back to him."

Sasha laughed. "Zoe not talking back? I find that hard to believe, really."

Zoe hid her grin behind her hand, an almost impish glint in her eyes.

"Yes, that does seem strange, doesn't it?" Sarah said, stroking her daughter's head as the brunette looked up at her innocently. "But looking back, I can see it was an act."

"...I was scared," Zoe whispered, staring at her hands in her lap. "When Mama wasn't around, he yelled a lot and took my things if I didn't listen. He wouldn't let me sleep in bed with her either, even though I'd slept there since Daddy got sick. Said big girls stay in their room all night..."

"That's stupid," Sasha said quietly. "It's not fair to have to stay alone in the dark if you have a nightmare."

The girl adjusted her glasses and smiled up at her softly. "Yeah..."

Sarah hugged her daughter gently to her chest. "That's not where my mistakes end though." Her voice was soft and solemn and Sasha couldn't help but scoot a little closer to them. "As she grew a little older, I got a promotion at work that required me to work more and more late nights. Seth seemed more than willing to put her to bed at night, but asked if he could have some friends over every now and again." She sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

Sensing her mother's discomfort, the brunette patted the woman's arm gently. "Big girls spend the night in their rooms," she said quietly, not meeting her friend's eyes.

Sasha sucked in a nervous breath and reached out unthinkingly to take the girl's hand in her own, lacing their fingers together.

Zoe's eyes flicked to hers and she smiled sheepishly. "I thought I was just being forgetful at first... I mean, maybe I was just paranoid of strangers and thought someone came in my room...maybe I forgot when I stepped on things that bruised my feet, but...when the bruises began migrating..."

Sasha tightened her grip gently, urging her to go on, but only if she was willing.

"When I started getting bruises on my thighs, I knew something was wrong," she continued quietly. "I was a reckless and clumsy child. I still am. But these weren't bruises from tumbling down the complex's stairs or tripping on the sidewalk or falling out of a tree at the park...they were on the insides of my thighs..."

Sasha squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't need to hear anymore to guess what had happened. A house full of middle-aged men and a defenseless young girl?

"...so I decided to tell Mama about it. But Seth just called me silly and forgetful. So Mama went to work thinking everything was fine..."

Sasha sighed. "It got worse after..."

"Uh-huh... Seth got right in my face. Yelling about how I shouldn't be lying to his wife. _His_ wife. Like I wasn't her daughter first... I told him so. And he backhanded me across the room. I fell into the coffee table... He later lied and said I tripped on the rug..." She took a breath to steady herself before continuing. "So I decided to prove I was right. After he backhanded me, he told me to go to bed because he and his friends were gonna play cards. I didn't complain, even though it was barely a quarter to seven. I just wanted to be away from him. So I went and took my bath and changed into my nightshirt, which was one of my Daddy's old t shirts, and brushed my teeth before going to my room. I -know- I closed my bedroom door before I crawled under my covers. And I spent what felt like hours watching the moonlight on the floor shift as the breeze rustled through my curtains, listening to Seth's friends joke and laugh and say things Mama says kids should never say..."

Sasha snorted. "Aren't they always?"

She nodded. "It was probably close to ten when my door opened again and the hallway light splashed across my floor. I had to keep my eyes shut so they'd think I was asleep, so I'm not really sure who it was, but they came over to my bed and pulled the covers back. They started by touching my foot, then running a finger up my leg, and it took all I had not to shudder. Poked a little further up to my thighs, but then...their hand started to move in between my legs and I just lost it. I screamed and he reeled back, spluttering curses. Seth was shouting, but I don't remember what..." She swallowed hard and Sasha could feel her fingers trembling. "I managed to grab the phone and call Mama's work, begging for her to come home, and Seth made the mistake of yelling at me to 'get off the damn phone' and Mama heard.... She's never left me alone like that since."

Saying 'I bet' felt so...rude, to Sasha, but she couldn't help it and she felt Zoe's fingers squeeze her hand gently as she smiled at her in understanding.

"Yes," Sarah said softly. "I kicked him out as soon as I got home. I had to file restraining orders against him and his 'friends'."

"Divorced him too..."

"Right, baby, of course." She'd taken to rocking her daughter gently again. "I had to get a doctor's report to file a molestation charge against them. I suspected they were all to blame, but the police said they could only charge the man who touched her that night..."

"...no one gave a damn about any psychological damage they caused," Zoe muttered, staring at her knees, and, for once, her mother didn't chastise her daughter's language.

"I had to take care of that myself. The psychiatrist went through so many medicines that never seemed to work. Well, other than killing her baby fat," she said, poking her daughter's cheek gently.

" _Mama_ ," the brunette whined, pushing her hand away.

"But if the medication didn't work..."

"I had to handle it myself." Her voice grew solemn again. "She had horrible nightmares if she slept alone, so I let her sleep with me."

"She told me that," Sasha said. "She said it was the only way she could sleep. An' if she still had trouble she said you let her sleep between you and the wall."

Sarah nodded. "Even though I was the one that let--"

Zoe put her hand over her mother's mouth gently, shaking her head lightly . When she spoke, her voice was soft and almost sad. "Don't. You didn't 'let' anything happen. You were just trying to take care of me and you made a mistake that left things out of your control."

"Zoe's right, Ms. Sarah," Sasha said. "She turned to you to protect her because she trusted you would."

Sarah looked at the girl as her daughter pulled her hand away. "Zoe trusts you too, darling."

Sasha made a small sound of of surprise and looked away quickly as she felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Her eyes settled on where she was still holding Zoe's hand and she felt the other girl squeeze her hand gently before a hand ruffled her hair and she glanced up to see her friend smiling softly at her.

"She's right, you know," she whispered. "I do trust you."


End file.
